I, crazily enough, believe that football can explain most things in life. That is not because football is extremely varied or omnipotent, but because ‘other’ people believe that there is a formula for success, and that the formula can be ‘discovered’. Football has tried many formulae, succeeded, failed, tried again, and failed again, and continues to invest heavily (into punditry, for example) to continue to figure out the formula. Just like Stephen Hawking tries to figure out a ‘theory of everything’.
The dust engulfed tree outside my office window could guess that I don’t believe in the ‘one-ring-to-rule-them-all’ theory. A formulaic approach is ridiculous! Here’s how:
The process starts with the company creating a job description for what they need. This is like a football team going into the market seeking a “19 year old left winger with pace, who has played in the English Premier League for 6 years, knows everything about scoring goals, has beaten every ‘keeper in the game, and is willing to shift for a modest fee hike.” This just doesn’t work. What you want is baby Jesus, not a marketer. Go to Israel.
The second step is to then ‘call’ for CVs. All established channels (HR companies/scouting systems) are galvanised, and so are the digital ones (LinkedIN/academies). In a crowded marketplace like the one I am part of, there’s very little scope to make a mistake here. By the way, the interested party has no coaching facilities, a poor training ground, an average manager, is bottom of the table, but seeks a ready-made product to join them, and be happy about it as well!
From then on, the song and dance truly gets ridiculous. The company ‘compares’ the past credentials of their prospective players based on discussions planned to win the premier league, whereas nobody (including the interviewer and interviewee) have had a sniff of the trophy, ever. Bottom dollar, top player, apparently. The premier league is so much simpler! Ha!
The only amazing thing that happens is the end, where both the player and the playee (the company in question) get what they deserve. Each party suffers the other for a few days, months, years even, only to get back into the song and dance. I have a funny feeling that nobody really enjoys it, least of all the HR departments. But, that’s what they’re paid to do, so that’s what gets done. At least the footballing world didn’t fall into this trap, am I right Sam Allardyce?
